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what men would do if they had a vagina for a day 1. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers. 2. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half. 3. See if they could finally do the splits. 4. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet. 5. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch. 6. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time. 7. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first. 8. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video. 9. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too. 10. Finally find that damned G-spot.
DINNER AT SWEETIE’S I had dinner with my sweetie
At his home the other night
I knew he’d make a special treat
At least I hoped he might He set out all the crockery fine
With his best linen pressed
Silver knives and forks and spoons
I really was impressed I said “What’s for dinner sweetie?”
He flashed a cheeky smile
And replied “I know you’ll love it
It’ll be ready in just a while” Well I got a little suspicious
For I noticed that no smell
Was coming from his kitchen
And no food was there as well Nothing cooking on the stove
So sign of chook nor fish
And he knew spaghetti marinara
Was my favourite dish The stereo played slow love songs
The candles were aglow
He certainly was cooking something up
But what? I did not know As he led me away from the kitchen
My hopes began to crumble
When he took me to the main bedroom
I heard my tummy rumble
He set me down upon the bed
And then to my surprise
He grabbed a blood red silken tie
And wrapped it round my eyes I started feeling worried
This was not his normal behaviour
What could be for dinner here
And what could I find to savour? I could hear him rustling round a bit
What was taking him so long
I’d known him over six months now
But could I have judged him wrong? Did he have a darker side?
Was he into kinky stuff?
Well everything here seemed OK
I knew I just had to trust Then I felt his hand so gentle
As he slowly released my blindfold
I opened my eyes and before me
Was such a sight to behold He had totally turned his body
From his crown to his toenail tip
Into a savoury sensation
And in his hand... a packet of chips Well, I could not hold back the laughter
I was rolling about in a fit
Then he held out the packet and said,
So solemn...”Would you like a dip?” After removing the hair from the pate
To my delight it tasted divine
And he kept a supply of rice crackers
Propped up ‘tween his toes in a line Well I tried the cream cheese on his fingers
His belly button olives were yum
But I kept coming back for my favourite
The guacamole smeared on his buns He’d gone to a lot of trouble
To find all my favourite things
I especially liked the arrangement
Of the cheezles and burger rings I shared all the treats with my sweetie
Towards the end I was starting to slow
He gave me a wink and suggested
I finish off with a big cheerio Needless to say...
There were no further courses
We sent out for pizza instead
After sweetie had showered we ate it
Propped up in our crumb filled bed Now our relationship’s taken on new meaning
As we share in our new found delight
In fact I’ve invited my sweetie
For dessert round at my place tonight!
Copyright; Arcadia Flynn
From her book 'Poems from the Heart of my Bottom'
She whispered "will it hurt me?"
"Of course not" answered he
"It's a very simple process,
You can rely on me." She said "I'm very frightened,
I've not had this before.
My friend has had it five times
And said it can be sore." It was growing rather painful
Tears formed in her eyes
It was hurting quite a bit now
It must have been a size. "Calm yourself" he whispered
"His face filled with a grin
"Try and open wider
So I can get it in." "It's coming now" he whispered
"I know" she cried in bliss
Feeling it deep within her now
She said "I am glad I'm having this." And with a final effort
She gave a frightened shout
He gripped it in anguish
And quickly pulled it out. She lay back quite contended
Sighed and gave a smile
She said "I'm glad I came now
You made it worth my while." Now if you read this carefully
The dentist you will find
Is not what you imagined
It's just your dirty mind!! Copyright; Author Unknown
BEARD Definition
The hair that grows on the chin, lips, and adjacent parts of the human face, chiefly of male adults. ...........................................................................................................
Kissing a man with a beard is a lot like going to a picnic. You don't mind going through a little bush to get there! -Minnie Pearl ............................................................................................................ You know it's hard to hear what a bearded man is saying. He can't speak above a whisker.
-Herman J. Mankiewicz ............................................................................................................. BALD Definition
Destitute of the natural or common covering on the head or top, as of hair, feathers, foliage, trees, etc.; as, a bald head; a bald oak.
............................................................................................................ A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
-Mae West ............................................................................................................
Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.
-Larry David ............................................................................................................
Bald as the bare mountain tops are bald, with a baldness full of grandeur.
-Matthew Arnold ...........................................................................................................
Bald is the new black!
-Gail Porter ........................................................................................................... Fortunately, it doesn't seem to have made a lot of difference to my audience that I'm as bald as a billiard ball!
-James Taylor ............................................................................................................
God, I'm just a fat bald guy, 60 years old, singing the blues, you know?
-Joe Cocker ...........................................................................................................
Have you noticed how most directors are either bald or grey-haired?
-Mackenzie Astin ...........................................................................................................
I don't consider myself bald, I'm just taller than my hair.
-Lucius Annaeus Seneca ............................................................................................................. I'm an actor who they said was wrinkled and balding and everything else when I was in my early 30's. Most of the people who wrote that who thought they were younger than me are now bald and wrinkled.
-Jack Nicholson ............................................................................................................
MOTORCYCLE Definition
A bicycle having a motor attached so as to be self-propelled. In Great Britain the term motor cycle is treated by statute (3 Ed VII. c. 36) as limited to motor cars (self-propelled vehicles) designed to travel on not more than three wheels, and weighing unladen (that is, without water, fuel, or accumulators necessary for propulsion) not more than three hundred weight (336 lbs.). ............................................................................................................
A lot of fun stuff happens when you go out on a bike compared to when you're in a car. You're more in the environment. It's enjoyable. Even when It's raining It's still fun. -Stone Gossard ............................................................................................................
An intellectual is a man who doesn't know how to park a bike.
-Spiro T. Agnew .............................................................................................................. I believe there are two periods in life, one for the bike, the other for becoming active on one's work.
-Bernard Hinault ........................................................................................................... In the old days they, the promoters, wanted more and more from me. They wanted me to jump or spill my blood and break my bones. Every time they wanted me to jump further, and further, and further. Hell, they thought my bike had wings.
-Evel KnieveI ............................................................................................................ If you worried about falling off the bike, you'd never get on.
-Lance Armstrong ............................................................................................................ Driving a motorcycle is like flying. All your senses are alive. When I ride through Beverly Hills in the early morning, and all the sprinklers have turned off, the scents that wash over me are just heavenly. Being House is like flying, too. You're free of the gravity of what people think.
-Hugh Lawrie ............................................................................................................
If I'm out trailriding, I have a favorite motorcycle. Riding on the road, I've got a favorite. If I'm jumping, I have a favorite, and if I'm racing, I have a favorite.
-Evel Knievel .............................................................................................................
My dreams for the future are simple: work, a happy, healthy family, a lovely long motorcycle ride, and continuing the struggle to awaken people to the need for serious human rights reform.
-Mike Farrell ............................................................................................................
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
-Alexei Sayle .............................................................................................................
WHISKEY Definition
, a liquor
Alt. of Whisky
An intoxicating liquor distilled from grain, potatoes, etc., especially in Scotland, Ireland, and the United States. In the United States, whisky is generally distilled from maize, rye, or wheat, but in Scotland and Ireland it is often made from malted barley ....................................................................................
A glass of whisky in Scotland in the thirties cost less than a cup of tea. -Catherine Helen Spence ........................................................................................ I like my whisky old and my women young.
-Errol Flynn ...................................................................................... Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
-W.C. Fields ................................................................................. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
-P. J. O'Rourke ....................................................................................
I can't drink whiskey like I used to back then, that's for sure.
-Sebastian Bach
................................................................................. More coming soon!!! I'd love to know what you all think and anything you'd like to see here Cheers Purple 
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